Published January 25, 2009
If Life gave you lemons,
What would you do with them?
Would you make lemonade?
Would you throw them?
If Life gave you love,
What would you do?
Would you cherish it?
Would you throw it away?
Or would you keep it until the day you died?
If Life gave you a sunflower,
What would you do with it?
Would you pluck it of all its petals?
Would you grow it?
Or would you cut it,
Put it in a vase,
And put it on your table?
If Life gave me you,
Would I take you?
Or would I throw you away?
Would you be kind to me?
Or would you be mean?
The choice is yours.
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141,249 Literary Works • 674,330 Reviews
This is a very coaxing poem. it was strangely and interestingly written, kind of making you think of things you thought not of before. I must say, its got quite the idealistics but maybe you could use some interesting words. A thesaurus can be your bestfriend in some cases.
I'm not an expert on poetry but thats my personal opinion.
HEY HEY CASEY! I DIDN'T KNOW YOU WROTE POETRY! This was really good and I definitly think it could be perfect with a couple of adjustments.
To be honest, I think that it might need a little more of a flow... or beat you know? You don't have to take that advice because like all writing poetry is a personel expression
There is just one thing that I kinda think you SHOULD change :
"If Life gave me you,
Would I take you?
Or would I throw you away?
Would you be kind to me?
Or would you be mean?
The choice is yours."
It didn't seem to fit what you had said before..... and I didn't really get it at first...
talk to me on sunday if you needs help!!! or at school on monday...
Interesting poem. I really like all the questions you asked in it.
At the end it had a sort of weird flow but I'm new, so what do I know?
Overall it was really great!
Check out my stuff and give me some feedback, I'd really apreciate it!
All of you guys have really good tips. Thank you for reading my poem. Trikky, what you said about the whole plucking of the petals makes it sound better. I wrote this poem at like midnight after a long day at a hotel, so I was kinda loopy. Same to Hannah: I was really tired. What you guys said was really helpful, and I agree that the ending was a little abrupt. Thank you for criticing, it will help me become a better writer!!!!!! XD
Ha... this is funny because I read this after breaking up with a (really, pretty good) boyfriend. I guess I threw the lemons away. *is a bitch*
Did you mean to say throw them or throw them away? Because throwing them might also be somewhat useful. xD
"Would you pluck it of all its petals?" might sound less awkward if it were "Would you pluck all its petals?" Also, this is an awkward stanza because you would naturally do all of those things with a sunflower, whereas you would never throw away a lemon, and *theoretically* you would never throw away love. Putting it on a table really doesn't seem that bad...?
I hope this was of some help. Good luck with your poetry!
^_^ Hallo! I'm Hannah!! ^_^ Hehe~ I'm no expert on poetry, but I have found that I like reviewing and critiquing it, adding my own suggestions, but you're free to take or leave whatever of my opinions you want!
First of all, I have to say I like this poem. It's based off an old saying but takes it a few steps further. My first impression, after reading this poem, is disappointment at the abrupt and out-of-place ending.
After a poem of questions, an abrupt statement like that seems completely inadequate. I mean, I don't mean to be rude or offensive, but it's not even that beautiful or profound of a statement and it really just crashes the whole flow of the poem. Try either ending with a more meaningful question or a meaningful statement. ^_^ Also, I would suggest trying to find another question for your first stanza, just to even it out with all the other, longer stanzas. Go beyond the two choices most often given and create your own!
It's good! Keep up the good work! ^_^
-Hannah-
Thank you so much! This was my first post, and I came up with this poem like, 20 minutes ago. Thanks again!
questions,questions,questions
this is the best way to get answers about oneself and and the surrounding individuals
what has life ever given me?
what has life ver given you you?
my question is what have we given life?
this is a great poem and i hope you keep wiriting...
writing more questions
coaxing more answers.